Thursday, March 29, 2012

photo day

I thought I would document my day in photos
our morning started with WAY too much laundry
then some craft time for little miss and oggle time for O man
 next we had a great freakout/crying fit

after we recovered, we moved on to MORE crafts. who could ever get sick of glue stick! 
against o mans better judgement, little miss and I enjoy some silly faces
time to give the dolls a ride in the swing
little miss's very special 3D reading glasses
time to hit the rainy road
dinner    


baby food
beer and baby food? I think yes.
The MAN and I sit back, relax, and enjoy a Blazer game.

Good night everyone. Hope your day was as delightful as mine.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

    One year ago today I waved goodbye to Cameron's parents and as soon as the drove around the corner I hopped on my bike to buy a pregnancy test. Boy was I in for the shock of my life. Funny how different I felt then. At the time I was not sure how in the world we would be able to handle being parents, now I can't imagine life without our little man!
    Cameron is FINALLY coming home tonight. I'm stinking ecstatic. It's been a long two weeks and I wish single parenthood upon no one. I had my nanny job today and Little Miss spent the day at my house. She has an awesome playroom at her house, but with Orin it's much easier here. She seems not to mind my house despite my lack of toys. Today I realized why....Orin is her own little pet. She started the morning by rocking him in his swing while telling his how cute he is. Then decided to read him a few books. Next she asked to use my ukulele and sang him songs.....songs just for him that she made up on the spot. Watching Orin look into her eyes in such wonder and amusement, and watching her shower him wish love and care totally reaffirmed my desire to have more kids. Not like there was any doubt that I wanted more, but now I know WHY I want more. Obviously to give me a break! I kid I kid. No, seeing the love Little Miss has for Orin makes me love them both even more. Fills my life with warm fuzzies, and you can never have too many warm fuzzies. I can't wait until the time is right to expand our family a bit more. Plus I have an entire pinterest board full of cute baby girl craft ideas I just dying to create!
  

Monday, March 19, 2012

Lovely Day

What a wonderful day we have had. Cameron is STILL away for work, so good days are extra special.
Here is a recap.
  • Slept until nine while snuggling with my 4 month old.
  • Found the perfect coral colored nail polish
  • Saw Greg Oden
  • Played on the floor while Orin rolled around
  • Took a walk in the rain
  • Orin took 2 naps, both lasting over two hours
  • Painted my nails
  • Finished a good book
  • Made a meal plan for the week
  • Cleaned the house
Gee, My idea of a great day sure has changed a lot in the last year.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Perception

I am officially working TWO count them, TWO day a week now. One as a nanny, and one at the cafe. Today was my second cafe shift since Orin entered the world. Cam is out of town for work, so the little man spent the day with Grandma and Grandpa. Despite my worry, everything went without a hitch. O man was a happy little camper for the sitters, and I was not a wreck at work.

We have a lot of young couples that come into the cafe. Today I felt like the place was packed with adorable babies. I was in heaven! I realized today while looking into the sea of babies that all those parents are just like me and Cam. As an outsider, it looks like these people have it all together. They have a plan, a system, and are calm and relaxed. When I know for experience that on the inside that is not the case in the slightest. Most days I feel like I'm hanging on by my boot straps! There is no plan, only a slight system that works some days, and I'm pretty sure the only time I'm calm and relaxed is in my sleep. It was such an epiphany to realize this today. At least we look like we have it together! No book, story, website, or class can ever prepare you for parenthood, but somehow we all make it through. HALLELUJAH!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Not So Sweet Dreams

Alright...I've reached my limit. I'm done reading books, articles, watching videos, and listening to friends. There is way too much information out there on how to get your baby to sleep, and honestly...not one thing has worked for my baby. I can't tell you how many times I've crumpled into Cameron's shoulder crying because once again my "sleep plan" has failed. There is no putting my baby to sleep tired, but awake. He is either nursing to sleep of crying to sleep. The little man will take three naps during the day but wakes after 45 minutes every time. The classic rock station had lost it's sleeping piazzas. At night he goes down between 7 and 8 and wakes 2 to 5 times at night. Sheesh! I will be honest and tell you I have let him cry to sleep more than once, but it was only because I was at my wits end and letting him cry was safer than me trying to console him at the moment. I read things that say letting them cry does not harm them at all in the long run, and I read that letting them cry can cause trust issues. Not to mention how heart wrenching it is to go about my day while my baby, my world, is having a melt down in the next room. I would rather side on the error of caution and not let him cry. My only other option is to nurse him to sleep. And there is no fooling this baby. I can't slip him a binky. He is wise to those tricks, he wants to real deal. Not only does he want to nurse to sleep, he wants to hang out of my boob while he sleeps. This is where things get complicated. I love nursing my baby to sleep, most of the time. It can get exhausting. And I worry that I'm setting us up for disaster. But at this point I see no other option. I just have to remind myself, things will get better...won't they?..... sigh.....


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Parenthood Part 1


First let me say I have been working on a "birth story" post that I should have up sooner or later. I'm really kicking myself for not blogging or journaling more during my pregnancy. Oh well....maybe next time. :)
So tonight is Orin's first night in his own room in his own bed. I nursed him, read him stories, sang to him and put him in his bed and kissed him goodnight. And that was that. I'm not about to kid myself that this is how it's going to be every night, but there was this special moment when Orin was asleep and Cameron and I were at the table together doing our own things that I has this WOW moment. I'm a parent. I just put my baby to bed, and took this free time to catch up on some sewing, talk to my love about our day, and drink some tea. I'm a parent. I find it ironic that this fact hits me while my child is not in my arms, but fast asleep in his bed, dreaming of boobies. Life is one crazy adventure and I love it.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Say what?

Cameron and I both come from Christian homes...the type of homes that want you to settle down with a nice man/woman, get married, buy a house, and one day be blessed with a child. If you would have told me when I was 17 that I would not start having babies until I was almost 30 I would have laughed in your face. Then if you would have told me that at 29, I would get pregnant with my BOYFRIEND that LIVES with me, I would have fallen to the floor. That is not something girls that sing in the church choir do! But life has it's way...or maybe I had my way with my life, I'm not sure exactly what happened but it's not like I thought it would be. But if I would have married right out of high school and stayed in Alaska, there would be no Vinaka memories, no Jefferson Banditos, no Sadie, no hiking the gorge, no midnight bike rides, no Cameron! No thanks! I love where life has taken me, even if my 17 year old self didn't see this coming.
But being a unwed mother has done come crazy things to my little mind. Even though I'm 29, I still think people look at me like a teen mom. They look at my growing belly, and ring less finger and think to themselves, "Poor girl, I bet she had so much potential." I think this is my thought, not there's, sneaking into my psyche. It's all very twisted in my head and I myself am still trying to straiten out the knots and snags of my logic. I know in my heart that my son will be giving me the chance to finally live to my full potently. Fulfill my true calling, to be a mother. But doubt has a nasty way of sneaking in there. Maybe in fact I was meant to be a truck driver, or designer, or go go dancer.....and maybe now I will never know! These are the stupid thoughts that bring my to tears in the shower. And then my dear son gives me a swift kick in the belly and this calmly reminds me that everything is going to be fine, and yes, being his mommy is my one and only purpose.